...and they feel like.... sandbags...

I thought this was cute. Thanks internets.









I'm interested to really find out who this woman is. I want to say it's obvious she's not a local, cause the people are AMAZED by the sight of her, quite a looker if i do say so myself. On the other hand, maybe she's that one person in every village (i mean, all the people are dark...) that stays inside, but when she comes out you know hijinx are sure to be plentiful!

Owno, she's gross..

Flight of The Conchords

Just caught the last 15 minutes of this on HBO.

This might be one of the funniest shows I've seen since Curb. I don't know how scripted it is, but if it's not loose then the writing is genius. You'd think i wrote it.

Don't know much about the show except there's two guys who live together and are in a band. One works holding signs fulltime, the other is just in the band, i guess. I turned to it and the following video was playing, it reminded me of my sister and made me feel laugh.



Quote of the clip: "Oh my god. She's so hot, she's so flippin hot. She's like a curry. I wanna tell her how hot she is but she'll think im being sexist. She's so hot she's making me sexist. Bitch."

Like Mike, If I Could Be Like Mike..

Jackson. Yes, most controversial title yet but there's just something about little boys...

Okay, that joke went long enough. I did, however, go to the doctor today. I mentioned to him that i have the sickle cell trait and that turned into a subject about race. After mentioning how much easier life would be if i was white he informed me that might just be possible.

Apparently there's a new technology to actually morph your features and pigment to favor a race of your choice. I was leaning towards white, though asian has its perks. While i was at it decided to see how being west asian would work for me.

Here's the original pic we used as a reference:

east asian

west asian

white


I mean, mixed ian is cool, but the possibilities that open up with being one race are endless...

Suggestions?

Wow.

"My greatest competition is, well, me . . . I'm the Ali of today. I'm the Marvin Gaye of today. I'm the Bob Marley of today. I'm the Martin Luther King, or all the other greats that have come before us. And a lot of people are starting to realize that now."

- R. Kelly tells the new issue of Hip-Hop Soul magazine

Town Bound...?

You already know that my love for Oakland is ridiculous. Luckily Oakland is a female, otherwise i'd be hella gay. Anyway, over the years I've noticed a transition (for lack of a better word) in my responses to "where are you from?"

When i was younger, any chance i could tell people i was born in New York, i would. I mean, shit, it's so much cooler than California. Right? That evolved into me saying 'Oakland raised," as tends to be my answer nowadays. Or simply, 'the town,' 'city of dope man,' or just 'Oakland.' It all depends on who's asking and where they are asking. If i say 'the town' to someone in Kansas they won't know what the hell I'm talking about.

Well i was in Mexico last weekend and i noticed myself telling people i was from the bay, more specifically, the East Bay. The most bothersome part of that is that i HATE when other people do that. Normally i feel like if you say you're from 'the bay area' then you're from some shitty city like El Cerrito *;)* or Pittsburg and just want to feel like you're really from THE Big Bad BAY (which to me is the East Bay and Frisco. Fuck the restuhyall. It's like how half the kids who are 'hyphy' are from Walnut Creek or Pinole [another reason that shit won't go away]. Be proud of your square city, and let us have ours. When's the last time you heard some cat from East Oakland claim San Leandro? Now when's the last time you heard the opposite? Shit, until recently (from my experience) South Berkeley cats claimed North Oakland (God knows why)..

After years upon years of 'oakland is ghetto' maybe i just got tired of explaining that every major city in the world has bad neighborhoods, and the nice spots in Oakland trump most places you've ever been. So instead of saying im from oakland i tell people the bay, sometimes even the SF bay area (when far away from home). The shame and disgust associated with Oakland is appauling. While some of it is deserved (what happened to our originality Oakland? [read: all black, dreads, hyphy movement, ugh]) a lot of it is simply because the abundance of black folks. Yes, YOU are racist. Trust me, you are. Yeah, even you.

Well, anyway, I don't even know what i was talking about, you racist bastard. Oh, yeah, Oakland, what is it about this city that's so shameful.... ..that's unique to THIS city? When people say they're from New York or even D.C. you never hear 'oh, that's ghetto." "New York has 8 million people and 5 boroughs." Fair enough. "D.C. has the capitol and president." Also fair. "Oakland has 3 major sports teams, one of the wealthiest ports in the country (remember, california would be the 7th [is it?] richest country in the world, if it was a country), and a history with so many stories your grandfather would be amazed.

So, what is it? ...where was i going with this? fawks.

Blogs To Anticipate

-City of Shame

-Things to look for in a travel partner

-Born Shit Talker

-Words/Phrases from Mexico (this one will be an inside joke, sucks for you)

-My Mexican Adventure (this one should have some good reading in it)

-plus a grab bag of bloggies!

Pissing Funk

So i drank my double espresso, as i tend to do every few days-if not a triple, and when i went to the bathroom my urine smelled like coffee. Not the first time this has happened.

I think when i ate an abundance of asparagus a couple-uh-times my piss smelled wild then too.

Beets made me think i had hemmrhoids a few times too..

Wonder what other amazing, 'altering,' foods exist.

It's My Birthday

Turned 24 at 11:15 this morning. That means I have offically started my 25th year of life. Kinda scary to think, considering my [lack of] accomplishments. Here i was told my 23rd year would be amazing, because im born on the 23rd, ehh. Not so much. Amazing things happened, amazing people were met but I'm still poor, degreeless and working for the man.

In the past year I've completed more school than i had in the previous 3 or 4 years, got a promotion and a raise, had a slow love life, met an amazing woman, had a [needless to say] better love life, and took a break with said women.

I lost touch with some close friends and rediscovered some gems from the past. I met the most innocent, beautiful and bossy little girl on Earth, and lost her, all within the year. My niece that is. I experienced the final chapter in the book of the life of Cheryl Norman, my step mother, an amazing woman. No sympathy is needed, as i can't think of anything i didn't get a chance to ask her, tell her or explain to her. Ironically enough, cancer was a more giving death than almost anything else coulda been. Yeah. Figure THAT one out.

I saw my father, and countless other family members/friends, go from king of the world to trying to hold it together, emotionally, while experiencing the same myself.

On many levels i finally entered life. I finally experienced what it is to be human. In a matter of weeks I shed more tears than I remember ever shedding in all of my life. I learned that letting the tears go can be the most amazing feeling on Earth while still learning when to turn them off and be strong. I learned that people deal with everything differently, no matter how you expect them to deal with it. Some of us can make torture look like ecstasy and some can make a splinter look like a shotgun wound.

I learned that just because you're family doesn't mean you'll always be together and communicate with each other. I learned that even when things don't affect me directly, they can still affect me, a lot. I learned that when two important people in your life don't talk or dislike each other it's painful. To me. (it's MY birthday)

I learned that you can stop speaking to the person you raised and that the person being raised may cut off contact with you. I learned that those you love can look each other in the face and lie. I learned that all of that shit affects more than those two people. I learned of selfishness, and complete lack thereof. I learned talk is cheap and often times nothing more than just that.

I learned that I have so many things i want to change about myself i don't even know where to begin, or if it's possible at all. I learned that being who i wanted to be was a weakness.

I learned, i learned.. ..i learned.

Momma said knock you out

I feel bad for my coworker.

My feet are on HIT right now, fawks. No more sleeping in shoes.

Need some Febreeze, and some shoes that aren't 5+ years old.

=(

Craigslist Missed Connections

Are hilarious/sad/pathetic and often help me pass time. I decided to search for my name and got two hits.

http://sfbay.craigslist.org/search/mis?query=ian&minAsk=min&maxAsk=max

"Ian

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-310415649@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-11, 11:20PM PDT


Sometimes I really miss your energy. Not the constant criticism, harsh words, and my-way-or-the-highway narcissism. That I will never miss. I miss the promise of a friend, the facade of companionship and partnership, and the belief that maybe if we could see and show ourselves honestly, we might see a deep and lasting love.
I need a thoughtful apology. "

"Ian, I'm only writing here beacause -

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-310407474@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-04-11, 10:50PM PDT


...I don't want to seem too needy. So, I need to say somewhere, that I miss you. You're such a good person, and the little things we have between us are so poignant in my heart. So please, please ...don't break it."




Criticism? Harsh Words? Narcissism? MAN, this must be about me.

uh k

Let me start by saying i am, indeed, a pretty racist young man. Now I'm not overtly racist towards any ONE group, honestly, i think alluh y'all are slacking (especially the mexicans - haha, totally kidding. We all know that white people are slacking the most)

Hopefully i offended someone. Anyway, so I'm trynna think of new idea for blogging, as whenever i get them they float away within 15 seconds and i log onto this glospot page and what not.

I don't know if i clicked a link or what but this popped up:


Where's the french blogger? where's the swahili blogger? Just cause India handles all of our IT problems they get their own blogger translation?

Jan says, No!

The Softian

I'm not always as sarcastic as i am. ....

Sometimes i like 'cute' and 'happy' things.

I've watched this video Three Thousand Four Hundred and Sixty Seven times in the past 10 minutes. I know, pretty amazing.


This one is funny too:

If you've never seen it, slap yourself.









































in the penith.

Horoscope Shmoroscope

whatever the hell that means.

Cruising the internet, as usual, and i see the 'Horoscope' link on Yahoo's home page. People always ask me what my sign is. Taurus I tell em, then they proceed to tell me how, despite the fact that this is their first time meeting me, they know other Tauruses, therefore [obviously] knowing everything about me. uh k.. So anyway, I usually play along with it, i mean, there has to be SOME truth to it, right? What with all the water in us and the pull from the moon's gravity and all that scientifical stuff. Heathens. ANTI GOD BLASPHEMERS! pardon.

Sometimes people think there's no way i could be a Taurus, whatever that means, so i humor them by letting them know that, indeed, they are right. Afterall, i was born 'on the cusp.' "Oh, no wonder you're more level headed than some of the other Tauruses i know." Yes, no wonder. Logically, the only reason can be that i was born closer to the Aries sign than them. ...Christ.

So I click the link from Yahoo to see what kind of crap it holds for me and this is what i see

"Quickie: It's time to start planning your next travel adventure! Act now to get a great deal."

Turns out I'm waiting for my boy to buy his ticket to Mexico (today) so that i can also buy mine(today) for our trip the first week of May, which we have yet to plan.

CURSES!

To Catch A Handicapped

So if you know me then you probably know that I'm obsessed with the show Cheaters. I have stayed home to watch it, turning down sex, drugs, rock n roll and even millions of dollars... No joke. The best part of the show is the host, Joey "Hit ME Then!" Greco. He's like me when i was 13, short, unintimidating physically but talks so much shit you'd think his eyes might shoot lasers at you. Well, i was just a fat shittalker, and i never got stabbed..

Now I've been watching this other show called To Catch A Predator on NBC. The show basically consists of NBC setting up online stings by posing as 13 year old boys and girls online, meeting older men and inviting them over to do the nasty. The guys range in age from 19 to 60s but the kids are always "13" or "14."

While i prefer Greco, Chris Hansen is quite the asshole in his own regards. Take the following episode for one. Chris catches a young man who apparently was just in court the previous day for, you guessed it, soliciting underage girls. This muthafucka got caught by NBC TWICE! How are you gunna goto court friday, have them tell you they're moving your court date a few weeks and then saturday be in a 13 yr old's house ready to get caught up for the same shit. HOW?! Well, quite frankly, because you're retarded.

That's not a joke, watch this clip and judge for yourself. This is the first time i felt bad for the people on the show, then i realized that I'm an asshole and I'm not in their shoes so i laughed again.

Quote of the clip: "oops"



Anyway here's some more episodes.

To All a Pair Of Kicks, And To All a Good Price

http://www.Starbury.com

So my mom calls me the other day at about 9:30 in the morning. Obviously I'm still at least an hour away from waking up but since the age of 9 or so I've always HAD to answer the phone no matter what. Being that my screen is damaged i couldn't see who it was (not that I'd dream of not answering a call from my mom) so i blindly answered. After the ritual "ian, it's 9:30, you shouldn't be asleep" and "where do you stand on school" conversation [love you mom!] she proceeds to ask me if I know anything about Starburys. Stephon Marbury's company right? Yea. So...? Pretty random. Well, apparently he's putting out a line of shoes that cost $15 doolers. 15 Muthafuckin DOOLLERS!

The first thing i thought of was a pair of $12.99 payless shoes that my dad bought me in 1994. They were some faux reebok pumps, but they had a pump so i figured 'fuck, if i'm gunna look homeless i might as well at least TRY to fit in' [i was 11]... Anyway, the pump was plastic, as was most of the shoe and the soles fell out within 9 hours of wear. I kid you not.

So by now my mom is telling, between laughs of my father's frugality, that these Starbury's are actually quality shoes.

"On March 23, 2007, Starbury was featured in a segment on the ABC show 20/20 (edition
entitled "Enough!"), hosted by John Stossel. The segment
dealt with the high price of sneakers and the role of Starbury and Marbury
as an alternative. During the show, Marbury stated "If you take my shoe and
you take a $150 shoe, cut it down in half, and it do the same exact thing.".
Stossel put Marbury's statement to the test and a pair of Starbury Ones were
brought to Professor Howard Davis, Shoe Design department professor at Parsons
The New School for Design. Davis proceeded to cut apart the Starbury
Ones and a pair of "$100 plus Air Jordans" and stated "They're constructed
the same way". Stossel then mentioned that "others in the business" came to
the same conclusion." [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Starbury]

Commendable to say the least.

I remember when both Shaq and Hakeem Olajuwon[sp?] released cheap shoes. I can't really recall how people felt about the Shaq's (though i do remember when they had the pumps and the portable pumping mechanism. My cousin used to pump and pump and pump [pause] only to immediately let the air out) but i DO recall that if you were wearing Hakeem's, you were gettin clowned. I mean, spaulding shoes? In retrospect i wonder if those Spaulding's were comparable to the Starbury's, qualitywise.

Anyway, been hella months since my last blog, don't know where to else go with this one sooooo... here's a picture of a guy about to get some head from a dog: